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W tee Eff?!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic English' started by ShaeKonnit, Jan 15, 2018.

  1. DrunkCorsair

    DrunkCorsair Well-Known Member

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    Do it like anyone else and rename it as necessary, time saving tool.
     
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  2. Errhile

    Errhile A traveller on the Silk Road

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    Oh, I'd certainly need to fill the forms for one. The problem is I'd need to pass the invoice to the Finance afterwards, and this means I'd have to make an adequate reason of ordering a handheld battering ram to start with - you know, those two papers need to match. Now, honestly, it isn't entirely out of question given where I work, but I guess it might be somewhat pushing it :P

    Honestly, picking up the phone and asking the SWAT team's chief or his boss for a 5-minute lease of a breaching tool would be way faster, leave no unnecessary paper trail, and cause less questions to be asked! :P
     
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  3. colbrook

    colbrook Black Fryer

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    A large outsourced IT project proving to be a costly disaster? I'm shocked, shocked I say! [/sarcasm]
     
  4. Koin-Koin

    Koin-Koin Well-Known Member

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    Ohhhh !!!
    It reminds me my early years (you know NT4SP4): "Why did you delete the temp directory ? That's where I store everything !"
     
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  5. DrunkCorsair

    DrunkCorsair Well-Known Member

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    You could ask the seller if they would label the invoice differntly like "Life size paperweight" or something like that.
     
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  6. Pierzasty

    Pierzasty Null-Space Entity

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    "Industrial-sized sex toy"?
     
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  7. oldGregg

    oldGregg Well-Known Member

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    yeah apparently we're moving to power BI but this ...
    Coupled with the fact I've never ever in 10 years met someone on a reporting team who is good at their job. (I work with plenty of guys who used to be on reporting teams but have since moved into other roles where reporting is simply one aspect of their job). Not only do these people not care about or have any interest in learning about the teams they are supposed to be supporting, but they also refuse to validate any of their data sources.

    Funniest part of the whole thing though is when I'm told (by the reporting teams) that we have no access to the data requested or the data that exists is so wildly inaccurate they don't feel like taking the time to put it in a report. (See my mention of db validation) ... A few months go by of increased frustration on both sides and then the reporting team leadership decides they will no longer be updating any reports currently provided, citing the need for a shift to power BI. Now, we had already stopped using these reports due to wild inaccuracies and requested access to the DBs themselves. After months of hemming and hawing about how they can't allow us access to such confidential company info, BAM - they have decided to allow me and one of my analysts to have access to the databases we need.

    "Build your own reports" they say. So we take a couple of weeks to dive in and start cleaning things up, fully expecting a mountain of work. Turns out these motherfuckers are completely lazy and every single datapoint we have ever requested is not only available, but incredibly easy to find with simple queries. Now I have a wonderfully accurate and accessible report available whenever my teams need to use it and we've severed all ties with reporting teams, choosing to do the work ourselves. Win win? Either way, I'll be very very hesitant to ever rely on another reporting team for assistance.

    For some more context - when this team was apparently supporting us, we were supposed to get a refreshed report every Monday morning. (A task we've since automated after taking over responsibility). This team broke the report literally every single week, meaning we sometimes got a report by Thursday. Usually not at all. When we did get it, the simplest logic would be so disgustingly broken it was un-usable.

    Before I came to the division I'm in now, leadership was perfectly fine relying on these reports because they felt they were "at least sometimes directionally accurate."
     
  8. Errhile

    Errhile A traveller on the Silk Road

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    That would fly at your workplace? :eyes:

    Certainly wouldn't at mine. Calling the thing what it is would have the case have a fighting chance, though...
     
  9. DrunkCorsair

    DrunkCorsair Well-Known Member

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    One of my workmates asked me to order some stuff for him online as he isnt much into the interwebs and computers.

    Spoiler Warning for being NSFW and for adults
    Made him a special label which translated

    "Fragile - Handle with care, Giant sized Glasdildo for anal! with the logo of a famous internet sex shop"

    Got alot of weird looks while at change of shifts standing at the clock. (Hes a straight white male going to be fifty soon).
    Best lauhgs for months.
     
    #1609 DrunkCorsair, Oct 5, 2019
    Last edited: Oct 5, 2019
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  10. Pierzasty

    Pierzasty Null-Space Entity

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    Not a problem with the label (although it would get some looks like that emote), the real problem would be putting it on the company account.

    Should've done it the traditional way for more deniability:

    [​IMG]
     
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  11. Errhile

    Errhile A traveller on the Silk Road

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    Well, that's exactly the problem I was talking about from point one :P
     
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  12. Section9

    Section9 Well-Known Member

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    It is so much better stress relief to do it yourself, though.



    Got an emergency backup copy of your working DB stashed someplace secure? say, a multiTB external?
     
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  13. ShaeKonnit

    ShaeKonnit Well-Known Member

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    I've had a few WtFs happen to me recently; I just hadn't gotten round to typing them up. Often food-related, for some reason - it's like all the cafes have gone crazy all of a sudden.
    In my town there's a small zoo. It's interesting enough; got a few exotic creatures to look at. Another thing it has is a cafe in the courtyard of the old manor house it's based around. They don't do anything particularly fancy: sandwiches, soup, toasties and an assortment of cakes and biscuits.
    Last time I was there, it was the first time I'd ever actually eaten something at that cafe; I ordered a cheese toastie. It was fucking disgusting.
    I dunno if "cheese toastie" is a phrase that exists outside of the UK, but it's kinda like a grilled cheese except with fewer ingredients and it's cooked in a hot-plate press rather than fried or grilled. Basically it's what you'd get if you could shove a cheese sandwich into a toaster.
    It's nothing complicated - domestic sandwich toasters are about as good as anything a cafe would use, but somehow this one I got at the zoo was the very worst I have ever put to my mouth. Everything about it was just plain wrong - taste and texture.
    After a discussion with my wife, I think she stumbled upon the answer - it wasn't really a cheese toastie. Everything about it suggests that what they did was get two bits of toast, put cheese between them, and put the lot in the microwave. It was very much as bad as that sounds.
    If a cafe can't even make a god-damn cheese toastie then they'd better just close their doors.
     
  14. Brother Smoke

    Brother Smoke Bureau Trimurti Representative

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    Would love to, but that would get me very fired and very arrested :joy:
     
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  15. Section9

    Section9 Well-Known Member

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    If you have the server space at work, I'd stash an 'archive' copy of that database there, someplace that the frackwits don't have permission to access. Sticking it onto an external drive is a last-ditch option, even for me.
     
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  16. Brother Smoke

    Brother Smoke Bureau Trimurti Representative

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    Funnily enough, years before these guys had come up with the brilliant data lake idea, we had implemented a process that pulled a denormalized version of what was basically the most used half of the DB into our local sandbox and updated it daily. I did that by myself with minimal input from my boss and it took me less than a month. These goofballs have been working on their garbage for over a year now
     
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  17. DrunkCorsair

    DrunkCorsair Well-Known Member

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    It doesnt work in german, as its a sad language without much jokes, like most Germans. :sob:
    And in the federal state i work people are forced to learn french at school as a second language first so i need to do jokes in german.
    I mean, whos speaking french anyways? :wink:
     
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  18. Stuffist

    Stuffist Well-Known Member

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    At least me.
    And I'm pretty sure I know a couple more.
     
  19. FireFangs

    FireFangs Space Oni

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    A grilled cheese with less ingredients..... Did they forget the bread? Cause there's like three. Bread, cheese and butter to fry it o.o
     
  20. DrunkCorsair

    DrunkCorsair Well-Known Member

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    I am just joking around.
    The problem is, here in the federal state Saarland children are forced to learn french as second language, nothing bad with the language or french themself but in all other federal states its either english or you can choose between english or french (most time you have to take english too, later).
    Here you can go with only french.
    The problem arises when you go looking for a job and its required to know english. Kills alot of job perspectives if you didnt have english at school and alot of schools dont even offer additional english classes.
    Its one of these federal political decissions i want to shove some people where the sun doesnt shine.
     
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