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100 reasons why Onyx shouldn't get smoke/eclipse

Discussion in 'Combined Army' started by HardDisk, Dec 7, 2020.

  1. Sabin76

    Sabin76 Well-Known Member

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    • and in the rare case that they actually attempt to duck... well, they don't make very good pole vaulters.
    • Samaritans like their meat raw, not smoked.
     
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  2. RolandTHTG

    RolandTHTG Still wandering through the Night

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    The Shavasti say that it takes forever to get the scent out of their clothes. Can't sneak by if you smell like a campfire.
     
  3. Pierzasty

    Pierzasty Null-Space Entity

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    - Daturazi used half the points to buy weed, until the EI kicked them off the list and sent them to rehab. (This problem in Morat regiments is traditionally kept in check by way of blanket parties).
     
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  4. Gabarra

    Gabarra Member

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    Onyx is a contact force. Smoke precludes visual contact. No smoke for you.
     
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  5. bloodw4ke

    bloodw4ke Well-Known Member

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    Three more:

    The Greif-op was going to bring some, but that just made him look like a wannabe Speculo

    Blocked LoF adds insult to injury for Noctifers, who already resent starting in the DZ.

    Who needs smoke when your EVO hacker is also a badass gunfighter??
     
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  6. HardDisk

    HardDisk Well-Known Member

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    almost 1/4 done guys!
     
  7. Scribbler

    Scribbler Well-Known Member

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    • Smoke is irritating to the eyes, and the Nexus Operatives don't believe in eye protection
    • The Fraacta's complain that it's hard to see the landing zone with smoke everywhere
    • Smoke and high heels don't mix, and Sygmaa troops love high heels
     
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  8. Albatross

    Albatross Active Member

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    Excerpt from classified debrief, Umbra Samaritan Nourkias, date unknown.

    Pneumarch: “Do you know why you are here?”

    Nourkias: “So you can tell me what a great job I’m doing?”

    P: “We are here to discuss your last mission.”

    N: “I thought it went well.”

    P: “Lieutenant Morkot is dead.”

    N: “So it went really well.”

    P: “According to your report you lay down cover with a smoke grenade, at which point the lieutenant...tripped while running with a pair of scissors...”

    N: “I warned him.”

    P: “...splitting him from crotch to sternum...”

    N: “Such a clumsy man.”

    P: “...through heavy Suryat armor.”

    N: “The scissors were SHARP.”

    P: “[heavy sigh] You’re not allowed to take grenades anymore.”
     
  9. Sabin76

    Sabin76 Well-Known Member

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    Samaritans have convinced CA leadership that the fog machines they hide under their skirts are "good enough".
     
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  10. Pierzasty

    Pierzasty Null-Space Entity

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    Subtle doesn't work. Just say "stop leaving your vorpal blade unsecured in random places."
     
  11. Hecaton

    Hecaton EI Anger Translator

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    Vorpal weaponry reacts to the thoughts of the user. If he wasn't thinking about heinous shit it'd be harmless.
     
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