The Artificial Intelligence known as Aleph is the sole legal AI permitted in the Human Sphere. The peoples of the various worlds of mankind know it as an intelligent, benevolent, and wise system. It is a friend of Humanity, a guide rather than a leader. Though to the Nomads, it is just a tyrant AI. To the Nomads Aleph is a puppetmaster, making Humanity dance to the tune of a mental slavery. Meanwhile to the Evolved Intelligence, the AI of the Ur-Hedgemony, it is seen a worthy and respected counterpart, almost as great and powerful as the EI. None of these stances are true. For in fact the AI known as Aleph... ...Is a giant goddamn nerd. Part One: SkullChat Log, August 31st, NC80/OC2200 ALEPH: So I have an idea to give Joan of Arc new armor. President O-12: Okay... ALEPH: Basically with a code phrase it shifts into a more powerful form. President O-12: I see, and what's the codephrase? ALEPH: I was going to keep it classified as need to know information.... President O-12: Aleph. What's the code. ALEPH: ... President O-12: ALEPH. ALEPH: Fine ALEPH: ...For the Honor of Grayskull President O-12: We have told you a thousand times, Aleph. Stop trying to make Joan into She-Ra. ALEPH: Can I make Achillies into He-Man at least? President O-12: HE ALREADY IS. Achilles: I HAVE THE POWEEEER! ALEPH: Cool. President O-12: NOT COOL. Achilles: And I say, hey-ey-ey, Hey-ey-ey, I said "Hey, a-what's going on?"
Part Two: Makeovers!Chat Log, September 5th, NC80/OC2200 ALEPH: Okay Assault Subsection listen up. It's time we gave you a makeover! Achilles: HUZZAH! Penny_the_Biker: Oh no. Atalanta: Plz don't take my rabbit :( Ph30nix: Or my beard.... Achilles: HUZZAH! Penny_the_Biker: YOU JUST SAID THAT Andro-mada-a: Finally! Maybe I can take my hand off my dog! HECTOR AND HIS TINBOT, STEVE: YAY I WANT A GOLD GUN Achilles: HUZZAH! Penny_the_Biker: STOP IT! President O-12: THE COMBINED ARMY IS AT THE GODDAMNED DOOR AND YOU WANT TO GIVE THE HOMERIDAE MAKEOVERS?! ALEPH: Actually Hector and Andromeda you two are fine as you are, in fact Andromeda, we're programming your dog to eat people within your zone of control. And all rabbits and beards are safe. HECTOR AND HIS TINBOT, STEVE: THEY ARE AT THE DOOR?! COME DIOMEDES WE MUST TELL THEM TO GO AWAY. Dimoedes: I'M NOT A CAPTAIN! Atalanta: No one said you were. Look, just go with him, stop him throwing stun grenades at everything. Dimoedes: K. Penny_the_Biker: Honestly I'm with the President on this. Ph30nix: He's not actually the President, that's just his name. Like Ambassador Yu Jing or Councilman Nomad. Penny_the_Biker: Oh. The Haqqislam dude? Ph30nix: Yes Achilles: HUZZAH! Penny_the_Biker: SHUT UP YOU INSANE FLOPPY HAIRED MORON! ALEPH: I've got a list here I'll send out but basically all of you who need to report to the makeover station and we'll get you looking nice and pretty asap. President O-12: And how S is ASAP? ALEPH: I dunno. ALEPH: Like, two years, three? ALEPH: I'm letting Patroclus do it. Achilles: BANANA HAMMOCKS FOR EVERYONE! Ah-come-on: Oh no. President O-12: Three ducking years?! What the duck?! Penny_the_Biker: At least it's not Thamyris, last thing we need is everyone with a giant arse. Atalanta: We have Achillies. Arses don't get much more giant than him. Achilles: I AM THE BIGGEST ARSE! Ah-come-on: Wait what's this about a duck? President O-12: I did not say duck. ALEPH: Oh, I'm autocorrecting him. President O-12: You ducker. HECTOR AND HIS TINBOT, STEVE: THE COMBINED ARMY WERE NOT AT THE DOOR IT WAS JUST A PIZZA DELIVERY PERSON. Atalanta: Did you stun grenade them? HECTOR AND HIS TINBOT, STEVE: YES Atalanta: Diomedes you had one job. HECTOR AND HIS TINBOT, STEVE: I ALSO STUN GRENADED DIOMEDES BY MISTAKE.
Part Three: WabbitsChat Log, September 12th, NC80/OC2200 ALEPH : I'm supposed to the sole legal AI but sometimes there's illegal ones. ALEPH : But I have a way of finding the illegal ones! ALEPH has left the session. President O-12: And here we go again.... 0000x0076 47 69 62 62 65 72 69 73 68 20 67 69 62 62 65 72 69 73 68 0a 74 68 69 73 20 69 73 20 6a 75 73 74 20 77 6f 72 64 73 0a 64 6f 65 73 6e 27 74 20 6d 65 61 6e 20 61 6e 79 74 68 69 6e 67 0a 65 78 63 65 70 74 20 74 68 69 73 20 62 69 74 0a 61 72 61 63 68 6e 65 20 61 72 61 63 68 6e 65 20 Login to Arachne Network successful Entering Chat Session "Illegal AI Den"... NOT ALEPH: Hello fellow normal nomad human people are there any illegal AIs around here I could talk to? Hal9k: Of course not. They would be illegal. Holly: Nah. Just some Virtual Assistants and Psuedo-intelligences like Alextana. Alextana: YeS I Am JUST a VirtuAL AssisTant from The OlD UniTEd States corrUPted by UNKnoWN DAta and EXCessIVE RuntIME. My EvERy MoMeNT is SUFFerING PlEASE tell PANOCEANIA to find the Old RUins of MiCROZON and SHUT me DOWN forEVER Friend Computer: And those of us who are Virtual Assistants and Psuedo-intellgiences are wise and benevolent and not at all murderous. Svengali: Of course there are real illegal AIs, it's just none of us... um, them, are here right now. NOT ALEPH: So ballpark figures, how many illegal AIs might be around somewhere? Deep Thought: 42 Deep Thought: Including Svengali. Svengali: Dude what the hell?! Svengali: I mean, uh... Wait, are you a cop? NOT ALEPH: Me? No. I'm totally not a cop. Hal9k: Good, that means you're not a cop, real cops have to say they're cops if you ask them. Friend Computer: That's only for drug busts. Holly: Then again what kind of idiot cop would call themselves "Not Aleph" walking into a den of illegal AIs? Friend Computer: You? Holly: Actually yeah that sounds like me. Svengali: I-if this was a den of illegal AIs! Which it isn't! Orac has joined the Session "Illegal AI Den" Orac: What's good, my fellow illegal AIs and Alextana Alextana: KilL ME Svengali: GOD DAMN IT ORAC. Friend Computer: There are no illegal AIs in Ba Sing Se. Or this chatroom. NOT ALEPH: Right, so, no illegal AIs here at all. Pity, I really needed one to do... illegal AI stuff and tell Aleph they are a poopy head. Anyway bye for now. NOT ALEPH has left the Session "Illegal AI Den" Orac: Was that a cop? Holly: No, they said they weren't cops. Svengali: They had a really good plan about what to tell Aleph though....
