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regarding the submissions for writing

Discussion in 'OOC [Out of character]' started by Dujiaoshu, Oct 7, 2023.

  1. Dujiaoshu

    Dujiaoshu unsporting Druze

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    How about a collaboration piece? In the IC threads I've seen a lot of shared storylines and interesting hanging Ideas. We could try to collect some different points and either write each a piece containing referente to the others, or a single piece (what exactly I have no idea yet) by collaboration

    EDIT: i mean about Killian's post on top of the forum Page, about writing Pieces for the actual shattergrounds page
     
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  2. psychoticstorm

    psychoticstorm Aleph's rogue child
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    The point is for you to have fun, if you want to collaborate in joining stories and keeping up a narrative, more power to you.
     
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  3. Dujiaoshu

    Dujiaoshu unsporting Druze

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  4. Wizzy

    Wizzy Well-Known Member

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    As regards my level of English, I can't be of much help, as I'm French and only use quick translation extensions because I'm too lazy to maintain my old level of English.

    - As a general comment, I'd say you should be more indirect in the way you say you're corruptible, a roundabout way of leaving doubt as to whether it's possible or not.

    - "to every mercenary, bounty hunter, and private self-starter as broadly as possible, to whomever it may concern" This point doesn't seem relevant to me, we're talking about mercenaries whose services are bought, so it's not necessary to make a declaration to them.

    - as a roleplay writing tip, I'd say you can draw inspiration from the various statements made by the IFJ, which is the equivalent of the UWU:
    https://www.ifj.org/fr/salle-de-pre...edia-with-68-killings-of-journalists-in-20221

    - "We will remind everyone that our pockets are deep and our reach is long: direct violence towards the UWU whall be met with the deployment of highly mechanized, proprietary TAG troopers." Indicate that the UWU has ordered an armed protection service and that its journalists will be accompanied by force in their search for information.

    - For the story from the paragraphs beginning "In this communication we are to address the egregious crime committed by actual political forces" I have nothing to say about a problem in the subject line, apart from a few specific points.

    ** "former governors", aren't commanders involved in this narrative line?
    ** "call all warcors to arms" the story follows a realistic plot, you'll never see a journalist take up arms (except maybe on the Pacific front during WWII, because the Japanese didn't esteem the Red Cross much, so by extension I suppose the guy with a camera must have been no more protected), if that's the case as in the Spanish war then you'll rather see them become regular fighters. Here on Concilium you're with people who relatively avoid shooting warcors, so you'd rather say "call all warcors to actively protest" for example. Or you could say that it's a private security company that comes to protect the journalists they accompany in the field.
    ** Journalists use a jargon for their profession, so it's better to say "journalist colleague" for example, and if your character is marxist far left, "journalist camarad". It's important to say that you're a colleague rather than a kin.

    Otherwise, it's a good idea.
     
  5. Dujiaoshu

    Dujiaoshu unsporting Druze

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    Thanks, those are a lot of super useful pointers!

    "Former" Commander cause i thought Kaminull, albeit still Commander, identified as 'former' shogun of Durgama

    The "kin" term Is the only One I won't change, because the whole intention of the article Is to look like It was written by someone who does not know furry jargon and keeps making double entendres without understanding so
     
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  6. Dujiaoshu

    Dujiaoshu unsporting Druze

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    Oi, @Wizzy , we're published! Thanks again for the tips on the writing piece, I think they made a big difference!
     
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