Diaries of a CSU: The Kruggernaut

If there was one good thing about all three motherships converging in Human Edge for an emergency krug, it was the fact that it just to happened to line up perfectly with the leave plan for the Hasselhoff's crew. The nomads of the Hasselhoff weren't oblivious to the politics or reasons as to why the motherships were uniting two years early, after all, being barred from using the circulars after a major market crash within Yu Jing was no small issue. But, for the time the crew was on leave, they tried to not care so much and just enjoy access to all three motherships at once. The crew hailed from all over the Nomad Nation, and so this opportunity allowed them to really kick back at their respective homes and get some R&R while the politicos sorted out the crises. What could the Hasselhoff even do to fix it? Nothing. The ship's captain, a Bakunin man by the name of Gunther, held a great deal of social weight and respect in the fleet, but one voice from one ship wasn't going to make waves before O-12 and the nations that wanted the Nomads out.

Petra had been relaxing in a holoroom in Tunguska, clad in a bikini and bathing in the virtual sun of a virtual Varuna beach when the ocean horizon suddenly opened up with a hiss. Compared to the bright light of the holoroom, the opening was as black as sin, and it served to take the blue-haired interventor out of her relaxed trance. She sighed, pushing her sunglasses up her nose as she looked at the figure entering the room, "Can't you see this room's in use?" she said, rather annoyed at the intrusion.

Stepping into the room was another woman, dressed in the signature nomad jumpsuit under a flowing white robe. The hood of the robe rested against her shoulder, and the woman's black hair was tied back in a ponytail. She closed the door behind and looked back over her shoulder at Petra, smiling, "Hey there, P~! Look like you're enjoying your leave!"

Petra raised a brow when she saw the familiar reverend moira standing like a prophet on the virtual ocean water. "Gin?" Petra said, blinking when she realized who it was, "Shouldn't you be on Bakunin praying to Saint Mary or whatever?"

Gin walked across the room and sat down on the floor next to Petra, the holo-sand shifting realistically around her body. "Already did this morning! But I've been cooped up in the cathedral all week and there's nothing in Bakunin that's really all that new to me, so... I'm bored! Figured I'd come over and say hi."

Petra sighed and rested her head back on the tanning bed. "How did you know I was here?"

Gin shrugged, "Percival said he had been seeing you coming here a lot lately."

The interventor rolled her eyes, "That drunkard never could keep his mouth shut... Haaaaah... Well, here you are."

Gin nodded curtly, "Here I am!"

Petra pursed her lips and kept looking up at the fake sky, "This is it..."

The moira nodded again, "Mhm!"

"Yyyyup..." Petra responded awkwardly before going through a few long seconds of silence. She glanced right, seeing Gin quietly staring up at the digital sky as well. "Alright fine~! What do you wanna do?" Petra conceded, sitting upright and waving her hand to bring up her interface.

Gin stood up excitedly and blurted it all out the instant she heard Petra give in. "I wanna go to Corregidor! I've never been there despite all my Krugs and I wanted to go with a friend and I thought maybe: 'Petra is the boring, serious sort! She couldn't possibly have anything exciting going on!'" Gin didn't stop speaking, but Petra tried to interject.

"Hey! What do you mean-"

"So I came to Tunguska and bought Percival two or three or eight drinks to tell me where you've been! And so I came here and here you are!" Gin's explanation was rapid fire, but somehow Petra managed to understand it all.

Petra stared at her through her opaque sunglasses, only giving Gin a raised eyebrow and a flat expression. She splayed her arms out in a wide shrug before picking up her bag, "Well I hate to admit it but you nailed your assessment of me... Guess I need to start being less predictable."

Gin leaned in closer to Petra, looking at her expectantly, "Soooo~?"

Petra stopped what she was doing and glanced back at Gin, "So what?"

The moira nudged Petra with her elbow, "Corregidor?"

Petra sighed and nodded as she slipped into her jumpsuit and put her commlog on, "Fine we'll go to Corregidor."

Gin cheered, "Yay! I'm so excited!"

Petra finished getting dressed and started leading Gin out of the holoroom. As they left, Petra spoke, "Don't get too excited, Gin. Corregidor smells bad and the only types of people you'll find there are the worst. Like-"

_______________
Corregidor
One Hour Later ​

"Larry?!" both Gin and Petra exclaimed.

The two ladies had found themselves in a crowd watching some sort of corregidor metachem wrestling tournament. The last person either of them was expecting to bump into there was the Hasselhoff's newly minted chief of security, a CSU turned Nomad Vortex, named Larry. Now, when one thinks of the Nomads' cream of the crop Vortex spec ops, one envisions an individual at the height of physical fitness and skill. Larry was neither of those things, and his distinct lack of the former was on full display as the rotund man was shirtless. He was standing in the wrestling ring, wearing a luchador mask that left his bushy mustache and mouth visible. Hearing the woman both call out his name, Larry looked into the crowd and instantly spotted Petra's distinct blue hair. He stood up straight and waved over to them both, blowing a kiss in their direction.

Gin blushed and nearly fainted, while Petra had smacked her hand so hard into her face, the resulting sound caused a few spectators around her to jump in surprise. Gin cheered like a fangirl at the sight of Larry, pointing at him and leaning against Petra, "Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! What a surprise! Look at him, Petra! Isn't he just the manliest specimen you've ever seen?!"

Petra rubbed her eyes and looked again, "Good god he needs to put on a shirt- wait WHY is he in that ring?! Isn't this supposed to be the tournament finals or something?!"

Gin waved back at Larry, clapping and cheering for him before nodding to Petra, "I think so! I didn't realize he was a metachem wrestler!"

"HE'S NOT!" Petra exclaimed back, "He's gonna get himself killed in there!"

"Ladies and gentlemen! Free peoples of the Sphere! Welcome to the final match of this year's Krugmania!" the announcer's voice boomed from several speakers surrounding the crowds. Petra groaned. Gin cheered some more.

"It's been a wild, wild ride! Bones were broken! Blood was spattered! Wires were sparking! But at the end of it all, there remains two left standing! But you all know the rules of Krugmania! Many enter! But only one may claim the title! And do you know what that title is folks? It is..." the crowd cheered louder as the announcer growled the title, "The Krrrruggernaaaaut!" As he spoke the title, he shot a fist into the air. Fire from all corners of the wrestling ring shot up.

Petra leaned over to Gin, "See what I mean about Corregidor? This place is savage."

Gin shook her head, "This place is incredible!" she responded.

Petra rolled her eyes and looked back to the wrestling ring. Waiting to see what would happen next. The announcer indulged her. "This has been a particularly interesting Krugmania, folks! For the first time ever, we've got a rookie who made his way alllll the way to the top! He's a fan favorite this year. A real woman pleaser! A man's man! already standing here in the ring with me, we've got La Cafe Grande!" the announcer pointed at Larry, who was happily hamming it up and getting cheers from the crowd.

Petra couldn't help but burst out in laughter. "That's his name?! Oh my god that's so-... On point! Fuck!"

Gin hopped in place, "Oh my gosh I love him! That's it! I'm his biggest fan! All he's gotta do is say the word and I'll leave the Observance to attend his every match!"

Petra looked back at Gin, "Ugh you're such a simp!"

Gin nodded rapidly at Petra's statement, not even denying it. Petra shook her head and looked back toward the ring, waiting to see who it was Larry was up against. Petra had only known of Corregidor's homebrewed sport, but she never once deigned to give it any of her attention whatsoever. This was truly a mysterious spectacle to her. Still, she couldn't help but feel concerned that her crewmate and security chief was making a huge mistake for partaking in such a traditionally violent competition.

The announcer placed a hand to his ear and looked around the crowd, gasping with mock surprise, "Do you hear that, folks? The sounds of a something approaching? Thump... Thump... Thump... Could it be? Do my ears deceive me? OF COURSE NOT! Make some noise, folks! For your seven time reigning Kruggernaut! Hailing from the Soul of the Nomad Nation! The Uuuuuberkampferrrr!"

A chorus of cheers and roars rose up from the crowd as old Rammstein music played and fire spewed. Larry turned to watch as a hulking silhouette stepped into view amidst the flame and flashing lights. The figure was nearly two heads taller than Larry and equally as wide but not in the gut! His shoulder muscles were bulging so much that it appeared as though the man didn't even have a neck! Moreover, his skin was made out of metal! His teeth were sharpened and his eyes glowed a bright piercing orange. As if that wasn't extreme enough, there was no hair on his head, only a blaze of fire which whipped upward like a mohawk. He raised his massive arms out to either side of him and took in the roars and cheers of the crowd as he approached the fighting ring. At his waist was a massive gold belt with the Nomad emblem on it. Two words were imprinted into the metal, the word above reading 'Uberkampfer', and the the one below reading 'Kruggernaut'

Petra's eyes went wide, "What the fuck?! That's the biggest fucking morlock I've ever seen!"

Gin gasped and held her hands over her mouth, "Oh my gosh!" she appeared concerned, which made Petra feel for the girl. She was about to watch her one true love get crushed into a pancake. But things took a rapid turn when Gin put on a mean face and shouted out above the crowd, "Kick his fucking ass, Larry!"

Petra was stunned. She had never heard Gin be so vulgar before! Petra was genuinely speechless by that, and she simply turned her head back to the fighting ring as the morlock simply stepped over the ropes and paced around it like an impatient predator. His fiery eyes never once leaving the chubby man. The announcer stepped over to the Uberkampfer and handed him the microphone, which the big man took between two meaty fingers. He quickly brought it to his mouth and spoke, his voice metallic and rumbling. He pointed aggressively at Larry, "I've been waiting for this moment my whole life, La Cafe Grande! It's hiiiigh time I served my family justice for everything you've done! My sister! My brother!"

The crowd, and Gin, gasped when he uttered those words, and suddenly this was starting to make a lot more sense for Petra. "Oh... This isn't metachem wrestling... This is metachem wrastling... Go figure!"

The Uberkampfer continued, "I'm here for vengeance, brother! And you'll find it's a dish served cold!"

Larry chuckled in his corner, reaching out for another mic being to him. He brought it to his lips and cleared his throat, "Who are you again?" Simply tossing the mic out of the rink again afterward and splaying his arms out to the crowd.

The crowd erupted in laughter and cheers. Petra had placed her face firmly back in the palm of her hand, shaking her head and mumbling, "Oh my god he's going to going to die..."

More fire gouted out from the morlock's head as he roared, yanking his microphone back to his mouth and spraying spittle as he yelled into it, "You're a punk, brother! It's oooover for youuu!"

The Uberkampfer threw his mic out of the ring too, and the announcer took that as his cue to get out of the way! "Now I want a clean fight gentleme-" Ding!

The Uberkampfer roared and charged headlong as the flatfooted La Cafe Grande while his cornerman, a certain Mobile Brigada from the Hasselhoff, was handing him a coffee. The surprise of the Uberkampfer's charge made the Brigada jump in surprise and spill the hot coffee on Larry's gut. Larry narrowed her eyes and turned his luchador masked face to the giant morlock.

________________
The Hasselhoff
Two Hours Later
​

Larry slammed the Kruggernaut belt down on the mess hall table, the crew of the ship all crowding around him and cheering. People were cheering his name repetively, while the ship's Observance section of moiras, custodiers, healers, and a newcomer orphan all fawned at him from a distance. Larry's cornerman, Fernando, climbed up on the table, dragging Larry up with him, "One more round of applause for our new Kruggernaut! Woooo!"

Everyone cheered again, and Petra was left dumbfounded amongst the crowd from everything she had just witnessed. How did he do that?! How long has he been able to move like that?! Such skill! Was this the real Larry?! Was he replaced by yet ANOTHER speculo killer?! Why was this fat, undisciplined mall cop suddenly a Nomad celebrity?! She watched as Larry closed his eyes and inhaled as he drank in the sheer lack of humbleness. He took a sip of coffee and looked down to his fellow crewmates, "Ahh shucks, guys! You're all making it out to be like some impossible task I just did!"

The crowd laughed and Larry continued, "In truth, I couldn't have done it without my cheerleader in the crowd." He looked over to the reverends for a moment. Gin perked up. And then he continued tracking his eyes directly to the interventor further in the crowd, "Petra! Come on up!"

Petra blinked, "Huh? Wait, what?!"

The crew cheered again and started dragging Petra toward the table. She cursed and swore incoherently as she tried beating her crewmates back. But they were impetuous in their efforts to get Petra up on the table with Larry. "But I didn't even say anything!" Petra whined.

Larry reached down and pulled Petra onto the table, an arm wrapping around her shoulder and pulling her in tight against his side. He shot his coffee cup into the air, causing a bit to spill and spatter on Petra's jumpsuit. "Ach! Hey!" he tried to wrestle herself free.

"What a fantastic way to end our leave! A toast to the Kruggernaut!" Larry said, everyone immediately letting out a booming grunt in unison as they all drank.

"A toast to the Hasselhoff!" Larry continued. Getting another grunt.

"Go! Go! Nomads, baby!" Larry roared, causing a racket of laughter and cheers as the mess hall devolved into a party house. Salazar, the ship's other interventor and Petra's partner, had music queued up at ready to play, filling the room instantly with some house music.

 

For those of you who have followed the Nomads during the summer global campaigns, you might have stumbled across CSU Larry and the crew of the Hasselhoff. Well he's not just dormant and in limbo between campaigns! I'm getting an early start on setting up him and the crew of the Hasselhoff up for the next campaign and I figured I would make it more fun by posting a series of shorts along the way!

This is the first one of many to come if people want! And if you want to read more adventures of CSU Larry and the crew of the Hasselhoff, make sure to cast a vote in the poll! Also feel free to comment here to speak your mind about the story!