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100 reasons why Onyx shouldn't get smoke/eclipse

Discussion in 'Combined Army' started by HardDisk, Dec 7, 2020.

  1. HardDisk

    HardDisk Well-Known Member

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    So, now that PanO got a eclipse grenade, i was thinking about why OCF shouldn't get smoke/eclipse on Umbras or any other troop, can you help me to reach 100 reasons?

    Let's get it started!

    1- So Nourkias can't bring them darkness
    2- That way Samaritans can't pretend to be a fluffy cloud of terror
    3- Kerr-Nau hates cigarrets
    3- Dr. Worm have asthma, he can't be near smoke sources
    4- Maakreps can't have nice things.
    5- Unidrons have fear of the dark
    6- They are a terror force, you can't be broadcast around mayanet eating babies and performing other moustache twirling villainy if you're obscured by smoke
    7- Though both are blackish, Onyx is hard and smoke is soft. Therefore, no smoke.
    8- Smoke creates a tripping hazard. Please refer to your "Slips, Trips and Falls Prevention" safety training, or ask your El supervisor for assistance if you have any questions.
    (If Ko Dali isn't allowed to combat jump without a safety harness, no one else is getting away with violating safety regulations. :imp:)
    9- There is a shortage of fire extinguishers available for the Contact Forces because the morats are pyromaniacs.
    10- Smoke is a tripping hazard. (We cannot stress this enough)
    11- Xeodrons always try to dance in smoke thinking it’s a rave.
    12- Not sending smoke signals to the enemy is 101 for a successful strike force.
    13- Smoke triggers Sygmaa Troopers' PTSD from back when they used to use symbiote armor. (It's a very delicate subject, don't ever mention this).
    14- Overdrons are rather clumsy and will hit their head on something.
    15- And in the rare case that they actually attempt to duck... well, they don't make very good pole vaulters.
    16- Legates can't tell if the person they just stabbed is friendly or hostile ( I know that Samaritans can't tell either, but let's be honest, they just don't care).
    17- Our budget can't deal with Samaritans throwing smoke everywhere to pretend they can float around and spook humans.
    18- Samaritans like their meat raw, not smoked.
    19- The Shavasti say that it takes forever to get the scent out of their clothes. Can't sneak by if you smell like a campfire.
    20- Daturazi used half the points to buy weed, until the EI kicked them off the list and sent them to rehab. (This problem in Morat regiments is traditionally kept in check by way of blanket parties).
    21- Onyx is a contact force. Smoke precludes visual contact. No smoke for you.
    22- The Greif-op was going to bring some, but that just made him look like a wannabe Speculo.
    23- Blocked LoF adds insult to injury for Noctifers, who already resent starting in the DZ.
    24 -Who needs smoke when your EVO hacker is also a badass gunfighter??
    25- Smoke is irritating to the eyes, and the Nexus Operatives don't believe in eye protection.
    26- The Fraacta's complain that it's hard to see the landing zone with smoke everywhere, and no, we can't just give them MSV, those things are expensive.
    27- Smoke and high heels don't mix, and Sygmaa troops love high heels (they do look gorgeous!).
    28- Samaritans have convinced CA leadership that the fog machines they hide under their skirts are "good enough".
     
    #1 HardDisk, Dec 7, 2020
    Last edited: Dec 23, 2020
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  2. toadchild

    toadchild Premeasure

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    PanO has had Eclipse since N2... (when it was called Zero-V Smoke)
     
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  3. tox

    tox SorriBarai
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    ...coff... white noise... coff...

    I mean, it's more than enough!
     
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  4. Aspect Graviton

    Aspect Graviton Friendly Alien Overlord
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    Well they are a terror force, you can't be broadcast around mayanet eating babies and performing other moustache twirling villainy if you're obscured by smoke.
     
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  5. Zewrath

    Zewrath Elitist Jerk

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    ISS disagrees with you
     
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  6. Aspect Graviton

    Aspect Graviton Friendly Alien Overlord
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    That's more just psycho crane missing the training on the Secret "S" of ISS, ISS are meant to do secret warcrimes
     
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  7. Aldo

    Aldo Spare 15

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    The Imperial Service has never been secret.

    I don't know why people started calling it the ISS, but the Secret S has never been there.
     
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  8. Zewrath

    Zewrath Elitist Jerk

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    All their actions were carried out in secret, without the public knowing.

    The public was aware that the Celestial Guards had a disturbing tendency to make people “disappear” but things like Kuang Shi’s are not used publicly.

    This is also the fluff reason why you are forced to use Pheasant Rank agents when linking with Bao’s, because the Bao are such atrocious human beings, committing such vile acts of violence, that the ISS actually were struggling to keep them secret, so the Pheasant Agent is there to keep them on a leash.
     
  9. Savnock

    Savnock Nerfherder

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    Likewise the very-obvious people in dark suits standing around whoever is unfortunately in executive office of the US at any given moment are not exactly secret. Nor is their Treasury-enforcement arm with the battering rams and legions of lawyers. The internal deliberations about who they're going to swoop on are the only secret bit (okay and I guess whatever kit they use to keep the US's figurehead of the moment unharmed).

    And yet, they are known as the Secret Service, as are many executive protection agencies around the world. Others with a more authoritarian direct purpose are known as Secret Police. The ISS is the latter, but serve the Emperor, thus Imperial Secret Service.
     
  10. Willen

    Willen Well-Known Member

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    I would really love to know if the guards in black are the REAL secret service, or it is the janitor or gardener that is JUST strolling by the press conference...
     
  11. A Mão Esquerda

    A Mão Esquerda Deputy Hexahedron Officer

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    Yes. And for everyone you see, there are two or three more you don't.
     
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  12. bloodw4ke

    bloodw4ke Well-Known Member

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    Though both are blackish, Onyx is hard and smoke is soft. Therefore, no smoke.
     
  13. solkan

    solkan Well-Known Member

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    Reasons why Onyx can't have Smoke, continued:
    • Smoke creates a tripping hazard. Please refer to your "Slips, Trips and Falls Prevention" safety training, or ask your El supervisor for assistance if you have any questions.*
    * If Ko Dali isn't allowed to combat jump without a safety harness, no one else is getting away with violating safety regulations. :imp:
     
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  14. Scribbler

    Scribbler Well-Known Member

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    @HardDisk, are you planning on updating the list that we came up with so far? It would make keeping track of where we are much easier. Anyway, two more reasons:
    • There is a shortage of fire extinguishers available for the Contact Forces because the morats are pyromaniacs.
    • Smoke is a tripping hazard.
     
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  15. MrAnarchy

    MrAnarchy Active Member

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    Xenodrons always try to dance in smoke thinking it’s a rave.
     
  16. tox

    tox SorriBarai
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    Not sending smoke signals to the enemy is 101 for a successful strike force.
     
  17. Kelthret

    Kelthret Usuario

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    Smoke triggers Sygmaa Troopers' PTSD from back when they used to use symbiote armor
     
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  18. HardDisk

    HardDisk Well-Known Member

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    Oh, i will do it right now!
     
  19. Scribbler

    Scribbler Well-Known Member

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    Awesome! Also, I love the extra commentary you put in there. Made me laugh!

    EDIT: another few to add:
    • Overdrons are rather clumsy and will hit their head on something
    • Legates can't tell if the person they just stabbed is friendly or hostile
     
    #19 Scribbler, Dec 15, 2020
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2020
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  20. HardDisk

    HardDisk Well-Known Member

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    Thanks! i'm really enjoying this post! You guys bring a lot of good jokes! :joy:
     
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