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W tee Eff?!

Discussion in 'Off-Topic English' started by ShaeKonnit, Jan 15, 2018.

  1. colbrook

    colbrook Grenade Delivery Specialist

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    I swear something about being in another country causes people to take leave of their senses!
     
  2. saint

    saint Charming, but irrational

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    you should see other Americans in New York or Boston for the first time, I can't even pick anything specific out of my memory its all just so... ugh.
     
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  3. chromedog

    chromedog Less than significant minion

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    Americans in Hawai'i are funny enough.

    Some "enterprising" locals set up a "currency exchange" kiosk so that the clueless could change their "US Dollars" into local currency and it did rather well for several months. They even explained that there was a 1:1 exchange rate.
     
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  4. ShaeKonnit

    ShaeKonnit Well-Known Member

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    A couple of WtFs from the wife's god-damn mother! I swear, she has an innate desire to seek drama and create it where none exists.
    A few weeks back she was round to see the new kid, and we all went out to take her out for a walk in the new pram.
    Wife's mother was at the door first so was handed the keys. She then gasped saying, "It was already open!".
    *GAAAAAAASP* Oh no! The door was open and any burglars, murderers or rapists could have waltzed in at any time!

    No... Truth was she was turning the key the wrong way, so she was effectively trying to lock a door that was already locked.

    And just last week she was holding the kid and *GAAAAAAAASP!!* "Her thumbs don't work."
    Oh no! Her thumbs don't work! We'll have to take her to the hospital to get some corrective surgery!

    No... Truth was she was curling her thumbs in towards her palms at that particular moment in time. 10 seconds later the thumbs were fully extended.

    This is what happens when you're on a daily diet of soap operas.
     
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  5. leigen_zero

    leigen_zero Morat Pacifist

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    I actively avoid Benidorm as a holiday destination as I wish to avoid the types of brits that tend to go to benidorm as a holiday destination
     
  6. Brother Smoke

    Brother Smoke Bureau Trimurti Representative

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    It's an unfortunately prevalent affliction among middle-aged Latin American women.
     
  7. ShaeKonnit

    ShaeKonnit Well-Known Member

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    I'm talking about this on WGC Infinity but it's worth sharing here since it was a definite WtF when it first popped up on my feed:
    Behold, the Tactical Slingshot.
    tacticalslingshot.jpg
     
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  8. colbrook

    colbrook Grenade Delivery Specialist

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    Anything can be tactical if you tryhard enough, even your tea!
    Mug.jpg
     
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  9. Brother Smoke

    Brother Smoke Bureau Trimurti Representative

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    I find myself faced with a bit of a conundrum.

    I was put in charge of implementing data access services for a new state my company is going into. This state is requesting that we begin sending data and reports by the beginning of December. The data architects, however, are in the middle of migrating everything into a completely different system that will be usable starting on January. I recently requested that conditions be created in the old system so that I can start pulling data, but they come back to me saying that I may only pull it from the new one.

    The new one that will not be ready until January.

    If that wasn't enough, I asked if I can just get a sandbox environment of the new system where I can jerry-rig something useful and they answered that they can't, because the data in the new system will be populated based on which data is most accessed in the old one.

    The old one that I can't access because they say I can only use the new one.


    TL/DR:
    Stuff is due in December and I can't send it out because I can't do anything until January, when supposedly something will be done based on what I'm supposed to send out in December
     
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  10. colbrook

    colbrook Grenade Delivery Specialist

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    This is what managers are for.

    Write out your problem, copy in emails from other teams/departments, outline what you need, and kick it up the chain and make the PHBs earn their big salaries.

    Make sure to keep records, even if it's a conversation or verbal meeting confirm what was talked about via email afterwards.

    If they refuse to help then you have a paper trail of them doing so, if the other teams won't help then you've got records again if anything comes back on you for not doing an impossible task then you've got evidence that you tried to the best of your ability.

    TL,DR: let everyone know your task is impossible, that way no one can scapegoat you when it isn't done.
     
  11. Brother Smoke

    Brother Smoke Bureau Trimurti Representative

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    Oh absolutely, being meticulous about paper trails is the only way I have to keep my ass employed. The company has "lost money" many times because people ask for the wrong thing, but I always have a signed request ready for when people start pointing fingers.
     
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  12. Section9

    Section9 Well-Known Member

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    Make sure that you include the fact that the state is specifically requiring reports in December, so you will be in breach of contract if you don't deliver.
     
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  13. Errhile

    Errhile A traveller on the Silk Road

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    What I always teach our trainees / apprentices: The Principle of Shit Flow:
    1. Shit (things to be done, problems to solve) flows downwards the chain of command (or however your hierarchy at work is called).
    2. In some, precisely defined situations it can be made to flow upwards. This includes every situation where you don't know how exactly how you should proceed in a given situation, and it really should be your superior to make the call one way or another. Note - make sure you have the results of the call in writing, for your own safety: in case of SHTF, your hands are clean - it was your superior who told you to do it the way you did it (even if it turned the worst decision in the history of mankind).
    3. The most important thing, in the long run, is not to let the shit pile up on your desk. The shit must flow. As the folks in medical first response business say, flow is everything....
     
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  14. Brother Smoke

    Brother Smoke Bureau Trimurti Representative

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    The interesting part is, I'm basically "on loan" to these people, building a set of tools and then going back to working my state. I had already coded 90% of what's needed, just waiting on minor details.

    But if they change architectures on me it means 4 months of work down the drain.

    It also means that everything has to be started from scratch. If that's the case I have a chance to just wash my hands of this business and go back to leading my normal team before, as @Errhile said, shit piles up (which it has been).

    I have been talking with some of the people on this team and everyone agrees this is going to be a major issue. I just want to try and make the bosses see sense before I leave so they don't get screwed.
     
  15. Pierzasty

    Pierzasty Null-Space Entity

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    To continue the fecal metaphor: "the more paper you use, the cleaner your ass will be"
     
    #475 Pierzasty, Aug 17, 2018
    Last edited: Aug 17, 2018
  16. Errhile

    Errhile A traveller on the Silk Road

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    Spot on, I'll have to include that in the pricniple :)
     
  17. chromedog

    chromedog Less than significant minion

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    " Life is like a shit sandwich; the more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat ..."
     
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  18. ShaeKonnit

    ShaeKonnit Well-Known Member

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    Anyway, had a great story from our Shadowrun GM last night at the dawn of our new game.
    One of his friends used to join all sorts of weird groups on Facespace just to troll them, and sometimes the members of said groups took the bait hook, line and sinker.
    One such group he joined was one for psychics, and one of them was asking for some relationship advice. The conversation went thusly:

    Psychic - "I've met a new guy recently and I think i'd like to date him, long term. This is him (pic attached), can anyone give me a reading so I know what to expect?"
    Troll - "He has really dark eyes... Was he in the military?"
    Psychic - "I don't know, I haven't known him that long."
    Troll - "Those look like eyes that have seen death. Does he have a criminal record?"
    Psychic - "I don't know, I haven't known him that long."
    Troll - "What's his last name?"
    Psychic - "(name)"
    Troll - "Ok. You should find out if he changed it in the past few years."
    Psychic - "Wow, you really think so?"
    Troll - "Yes. In fact, ask if he ever lived in Northern California."
    Psychic - "Ok, I will."
    Troll - "I strongly suspect you might be dating the Zodiak killer."
     
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  19. H1ghlander

    H1ghlander Well-Known Member

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    You mean the psychics couldn't see it coming?
     
  20. ShaeKonnit

    ShaeKonnit Well-Known Member

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    I'd like to think that after that, most of their followers would be like,
    tom squint.jpg
    But you never know with these people.

    Aside from that, I just had a bit of a WtF right there with an incredibly disinterested telemarketing guy.
    He called up the engineering department saying he's from X company and they do security systems or something, and asked if the manager was in.
    I say the best way to deal with such things would be to contact us by email, so I ask if he has it.
    He says, "Uhm, no..." so, I give our email address , reiterating that it's the best way to correspond on such matters.
    "Uhm, yeah..." he says, "so... that's where I'll send the... the...."
    "Yes," I interject, "ok, bye." and I hang up.
    I had to put him out of his conversational misery.
     
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